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"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect." -Anaïs Nin
The Proust Questionnaire1/23/2020 __1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness?
My idea of perfect happiness would be somewhere in a field with the sunlight being warm enough when I could wear a short sleeve, but not too warm where I'm uncomfortable. I live close enough to this field to be able to go to it easily, but not too close where it could become something that loses it's separation from my own space. __2.__What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is a painful death. I have a huge fear of suffocation, especially when I think about how I might die. I choked nearly to death last year and it further instilled that fear into me. __3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? I start to act as a chameleon in situations where I respect somebody in some way. I start to talk like those people and adopt their mannerisms. I've worked on this a lot since I've become aware of it last year, it's just a matter of my subconscious becoming used to new ways and removing that default setting. __4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others? I really cannot stand when others lack empathy. It's a lazy way of living. __5.__Which living person do you most admire? I admire my one coworker's out-look on difficult situations. She always does everything with a smile, even when she's going insane. __6.__What is your greatest extravagance? I have an issue with buying experiences. Any time I hear of an event I am interested in I make sure that I am, or working towards, getting there. __7.__What is your current state of mind? I'm feeling a lot of emotions anymore, but I try to stay positive through it all. __8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue? I think not enough people strive for good temper. It's something I constantly try to maintain because what you put out act attracts more of that energy. __9.__On what occasion do you lie? I really don't like lying, nor do I make a habbit of it. I just like to keep my mouth shut when I hear something that isn't my business, even if somebody who is involved is asking me for the information. I know that kind of sucks but I'm just a bit too tired for all of that right now. __10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance? My chin. __11.__Which living person do you most despise? The first person who comes to mind is Trump. I don't like to carry negative emotions towards people, but I really do despise that boy. __12.__What is the quality you most like in a man? Respect. __13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman? Intelligence. __14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "Everything happens for a reason." __15.__What or who is the greatest love of your life? Self-growth. __16.__When and where were you happiest? June 20th/21st, 2018. That's an unproductive reflection, though. __17.__Which talent would you most like to have? Steady line-work. __18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd get rid of my endometriosis. __19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement? Keeping my sanity the last few years. __20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? Either something that can fly, or swim underwater. Maybe a flying fish. __21.__Where would you most like to live? Either Colorado, Washington, or Oregon; despite my eczema. __22.__What is your most treasured possession? My Hello Kitty baby blanket. __23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? When people are so miserable they feel as though they should hurt people. __24.__What is your favorite occupation? I want to tattoo. __25.__What is your most marked characteristic? I'm really empathetic and sympathetic. __26.__What do you most value in your friends? A mutual stance in our friendship. __27.__Who are your favorite writers? Emily Dickinson, Ernset Hemingway, and Emily Bronte. __28.__Who is your hero of fiction? Edward Cullen in the first Twilight movie lol. __29.__Which historical figure do you most identify with? No one comes to mind. __30.__Who are your heroes in real life? My grandparents, but only because I'm their grandchild, you know? __31.__What are your favorite names? Lydia, Stella, Luna, Jude, and Landon. __32.__What is it that you most dislike? Pessimists. __33.__What is your greatest regret? I try not to hold on to regret, it's unproductive. __34.__How would you like to die? I just don't want to feel like I'm suffocating. I'd also like to end with an ego death that wraps everything up. __35.__What is your motto? "You give consent to how you feel."
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The Proust Questionnaire9/10/2018 There are many ways you can learn about another person, but sometimes it is just as simple and asking them. In my answers to the Proust questions, I have given some insight of who I am and the way I think.
__1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness? While I do not believe “perfect” happiness is realistic, I do think the closest I could get to it would be somewhere around this time of year. When I envision happiness I see myself surrounded by the smells that remind me of Halloween, walking along nature. __2.__What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is the inevitability of death. Not only is it utterly horrifying that no one truly knows what happens when you die, but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. __3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My incessant need to make sense of everything. On the other end, though, it is one of my favorite traits I harbor. __4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others? I do not tolerate ignorance. If I see someone mistreating another person, who has not hurt themselves or anything else, I lose my shit. __5.__Which living person do you most admire? I admire myself. I don’t mean that in a snobby way, I just enjoy the person I am. I see my flaws and constantly work to improve them. I work extremely hard to get to where I want to be and to be who I want to be. Although looking at another person for inspiration could be healthy and positive for others, I have found that looking to myself for strength and courage has been the most beneficial to my causes. I am the one who gives consent to how I feel and the things that I do, so it only makes sense that I admire myself. I have yet to find another person with every value I share that I “look up to”. __6.__What is your greatest extravagance? I find it really hard to resist the urge of spending money when it comes to shows. I am always in the mood for going to concerts. __7.__What is your current state of mind? Currently, I am in a decent state of mind. I don’t think I could commit to saying I am on any end of the spectrum. I’m just fine. __8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue? I think chastity is the most overrated virtue. The stipulation around sex being a sacred thing is just a social construct men made to keep their women “pure” and “special”, when in reality our bodies were designed for it. As long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, I think that your body is yours to do as you please with it. __9.__On what occasion do you lie? I very seldom lie. I grew up Catholic so the fear of the Devil grabbing at my ankles at night if I told a lie was instilled into my brain at a young age. As I got older, I dropped my religion but still valued honesty. If I lie it is through omission, where the person who wants certain information does not necessarily own the right to it. __10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance? My chin. __11.__Which living person do you most despise? Donald Trump. I am not super political but he is a waste of precious resources. __12.__What is the quality you most like in a man? Sympathy. __13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman? Sympathy. __14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse? “Close your eyes and open your mind.” __15.__What or who is the greatest love of your life? Myself. __16.__When and where were you happiest? At the top of the parking garage in West Chester. __17.__Which talent would you most like to have? To play the piano beautifully. __18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? To let go of some things. __19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement? Getting here today. __20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? Myself. __21.__Where would you most like to live? Colorado, Oregon, or San Francisco. __22.__What is your most treasured possession? My hands. __23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Where you are so displeased with who you are as a person, that rather than trying to help yourself, you try to bring others down. __24.__What is your favorite occupation? Getting to be an influencer of some kind. __25.__What is your most marked characteristic? My empathy. __26.__What do you most value in your friends? Trust. __27.__Who are your favorite writers? Emily Bronte & Dr. Seuss __28.__Who is your hero of fiction? The tree in The Giving Tree. __29.__Which historical figure do you most identify with? Honestly, I don’t know. __30.__Who are your heroes in real life? My friend, Angelina Farinella, is the strongest person I have ever met. She has endured so much loss and hardships, yet continues to push herself and help others. __31.__What are your favorite names? Stella, Sebastian, Scarlet, Violet, Harper. __32.__What is it that you most dislike? Ignorance. __33.__What is your greatest regret? I try not to feel regret towards any decisions I have made. __34.__How would you like to die? I wouldn’t. __35.__What is your motto? “There is balance in everything.” KARLII write here. ARCHIVES
December 2018
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